Tuesday, September 21, 2010

New Lease on Life

I've torn up the old one. THIS is tearing it up right now. RIP! Har, and I guess R.I.P. fits too.

I've deleted some of the previous posts that No. 1 were a little to much information for my huge readership. A little too personal. No. 2. Were big fat downers and a study in obsession. My fears were getting ahead of me and, in this case, I definitely do NOT want to attract what I fear FEARED was going to happen to me. There is absolutely no reasonable reason why my fears would manifest anyway.

So I'm moving onwards and upwards peoples. From this day forth this blog will only feature things I am HAPPY about. I've been feeling quite unlike myself for the last few months, maybe even as long as year. Well, that's not totally true. I have to own up to the fact I've been a worrier pretty much all my life. I'm prone to temper tantrums and crying at the injustice of it all (self pity - not the suffering of others I'm shamed to say) BUT generally day to day I've always been a glass half full person (I'd love to know the origin of that little pearl). I enjoy life. I enjoy the SIMPLE things in life. I have fantastic, meaningful relationships with amazing people. I sing out loud. I smile at people when I walk down the street. Not so much recently. I think I've had a scared, given up vibe going on. People in my life have noticed and just as I've said I've got deep genuine relationships, nobody (apart from Asa and my Mum) know the depths of my despair. Actually, what am I saying - I have spoken to a few good friends about how I'm feeling but I'm also avoiding talking to them so I don't have to tell them about it. I'm ashamed. I'm embarrassed. I thought I was going through a phase but so far, I haven't come out of it.

It could be hormonal. I'm 40 and have had the odd hot flush and right now I am nine days overdue for my period. That has NEVER happened (well, not that I can remember). I'm hoping it's stress that's stopped it and not the stopping of the ol' menses! It's definitely not a bun in the oven - that's one thing I know for sure!
So I have a Doctor's appointment to organise re that and maybe a little talk about a referral to a psychologist.

In the meantime I trying a bit of positive thinking and checking out this 'Law of Attraction' and 'Power of Now' It's time to wipe away my cynic's sneer and....


Sooooo, stay tuned for some positive energy coming forth from this blog.

1 comment:

  1. Do you ever read at http://www.graceinsmallthings.com/? (It's a great community that focuses on the good things!)

    And I know what you mean... it's hard to find a comfortable voice to use online - too much is notsogood, and too little is... boring. Tell me when you find the right balance because gawd knows it's hard to find! =)