Monday, November 30, 2009
Actually, he has started to do the really cute little wobbly, unco hugging thing when I pick him up...Cute!
Screaming for no reason...he's been at it all morning. Finally, there is break enough for me to have a shower. Under the spray I start to feel myself again. Hey, maybe I'll get that coffee in and I might just try and get back into my writing. Turn off the water and there it is. The screaming.
Far out, what is wrong with that child at the moment? I honestly have not had a moment to do anything...well, I'll get my foot off the exaggerator pedal for a moment there..I did manage to go to the loo this morning.
Better go and pick him up.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Anyway, I woke up today and felt another lazy day coming on. What to do? What to do? So many things but instead I open the laptop and let the www draw me into her spiralling web and tangents.
How the hell did I end up on a site about Cushing's disease for instance?
The inertia was crushing me. Asa was out in the courtyard doing EXACTLY the task he had set himself for the weekend (I have kind of dismissed starsigns as preposterous but that's a Virgo for you) and Sweeney was having a nap so I decide to take Tilly for a walk. Very rare for me these days. Tilly (the Jack Russell) and I used to be the best of chums but then Pascal came along.* She still gets lots of walks but it's Asa who takes her.
Pascal grabs his scooter, I grab the leash and a couple of Nappy Sacks for Tilly's poo and off we go.
So we've had a lovely walk and scooter ride and almost home when Tilly stops and does a couple of her sloppy best on a nature strip. I almost leave it as they are pretty small and, well, I hate carrying the bag home. Actually, it is precisely this duty which makes the whole walking Tilly thing so unnattractive. But I pick it up which is, you know, the law and we continue..
Anyway, walking, walking, we get to a building site where there is a whole lot of rubbish dumped on the overgrown nature strip. I don't think anything of leaving the bag perched on the top of the pile. There are even some other plastic bags there to keep it company. It's sealed tight. It's even odorised.
But I didn't count on Pascal's ethics.
"Mum, that's really naughty what you just did."
"Well, I'm pretty sure someone will come and tidy up all the rubbish and take the bag with it."
"Well, Mum you wouldn't like it if someone left poo on your nature strip. I'll carry it, I don't mind." Yeah, weeeell, the kids got a point..**
So he scoots back, picks it up and scoots towards me with the cutest self riteous grin and a dangling sinister parcel swaying from the handlebars. He actually took it all the way home and as he put it in our outdoor bin he says.
"See Mum, that's what we should do."
This is not our bin.
This one's for you little man...
*Remind me to tell you about our dog Tilly one of these days
**He does have a point. I would hate finding a dog turd on our nature strip no matter how tightly knotted or nicely smelling the bag was HOWEVER I would not mind someone adding to a rubbish pile outside our unoccupied house. And that's the god's honest truth.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
I heard him yelling and asked him what was going on.
"Don't worry." he says. "It was just some kind of paper thing. Maybe another alien mushroom or something."
"We come in peace"
"I just put it in the green waste bin." He says.
My skin was already creeping and a crawling but I just had to go out to investigate. Inside, on top of our green waste was a weird grey paper spun into a ball. It didn't look that gross at all. Then I picked it up and the heavy weight filled me with revulsion. I dropped it as it was filled with...gahhh... maggots! Writhing maggots! Argghhhh!!
At first I thought the paper thing must have once been alive or food or whatever, then I realised it was actually a hive of some sort. As my thirst for knowledge conquers all I googled 'wasp maggots' and this made me go What the Fuck?:
The actual answers were all pretty straight. One person even explained, in great detail, what the maggots (rather larvae) would eat... but surely Queer Ronnie is taking the piss? Surely? It's bloody hilarious!
In the end I poured boiling water on them. As foul as they were I still felt a bit mean.
Monday, November 23, 2009
I'm sure I've been one too but this isn't about me today, it's all about them.
For instance, just what is with this race to the red light? This guy today could not handle being second or (oh banish the thought) third car behind. Then there was the guy the other day who was going psycho behind another car who tried to make a right hand turn. Granted there was a big flashing sign saying 'No Right Turn' but, wow, talk about disproportionate rage. He was honking, he was yelling - no - SCREAMING abuse. Farken this, Farken that. Just going absolutely nuts for the ten seconds before the guy infront twigged that he had made a mistake and continued on ahead.
"Give him a break. He obviously had a hard day at the office"
It was a real 'eye opener' as they say. I know I would have been angry if I was behind the guy and I'm sure I have rolled my eyes and muttered 'fucking idiot' many a time but, seriously, this guy's journey home or wherever he was going was impeded for about ten seconds (you know what, it was possibly only five). It was so far far away from worth it, it was ridiculous.
Someone told me once that if we all just calmed down on the road, were courteous and didn't speed etc, the traffic would keep on moving, even in peak hour. But of course, that could be a crock and besides, there are just too many people (including moi) in their own little private car bubbles getting pissed off at the traffic. It'll never work...
To quote Carrie Bradshaw when she was faced with a fellow mental road rager: "Oh, you are just soooo busy!"
Saturday, November 21, 2009
I think I'm actually going to write this novel. I really do. Yes, it's because I've had a huge jolt of inspiration and also it's because I feel it. I honestly feel it in my bones that I can do it. Yes, I am inspired by stories of bidding wars and HUGE amounts of money and my characters becoming household names. That is the fantasy. But for the first time, I think it's the story that's driving me. My focus has shifted. While selling the manuscript and publicaton will be fantastic, I have stopped seeing it as the only reward. The reward is going to be the finished manuscript.
I think my mojo has come back bigger and better because this week I almost said buhbye to the whole idea. Since I've started to write more I've become much more protective of my premise and characters*, Genies. There I've said it. I want to write about Genies. Do for Genies what Stephanie Meyers has done for Vampires and, need I even mention the other one.**
So there I was, all inspired, researching Genies on the internerd while experiencing bittersweet flashbacks as I found myself on the sames pages I read all those years ago when I first had this idea.
Only the wikipedia page has been updated since then.
Hmmm, seems like someone called PB Kerr has got there first.
Yep, I did feel a bit shattered. And this is where my younger self, say ten years ago, would have given up. Like I did with my series about a dead couple visiting all their old haunts. I was so excited but ditched it when a British series called Shades showed up on ABC. Heard of it? No? (Trusty wikipedia has) So, as you can see, my biggest competitor - the series that made me give up my dream went...kind of nowhere.
I reminded myself of this, so instead of getting all jealous and contrite I started to reseach PB Kerr and his Children of the Lamp series. The more I read, the better I felt.
I felt even better still when I went out to the local shopping centre and enquired about the books in three different bookshops. In the first shop the girl hadn't even heard of the series and they were out of stock in all three. I found the fifth and most recent book in Myer so bought it. Let's just say that PB Kerr's style is completely different to mine. For one, he seems to be aiming for a younger audience and his style is much lighter and more comical.
Also, his books have been out for four or five years (shit, that's how long I've been sitting on this Genie idea??) and is just one of hundreds of young adult fiction series out there. By saying that I hope it doesn't sound like I'm belittling his achievement. I would be on absolute cloud nine to see my book in print.
Though I have to say I'm happy I can't see the potential for it to be HUGE in the way of Harry Potter et al as then, unfortunately, I would feel jealous and regretful and give up.
As it is, knowing there is a similar idea out there has given me the impetus to explore heavier themes. As has the backlash against Twilight.
This has all happened this week. I shall name it the week of cataclysm.
Page two and counting!
*If you dig in my archives you will see the somewhat embarrassing attempt at hiding my precious idea
**This is my fantasy remember. I don't have any delusions of granduer. Really ;)
Thursday, November 19, 2009
It's actually so nice to shed 'good tears' at the headlines for once.
My heart goes out to you Trishna and Krishna and I look forward to seeing you both grow and thrive.
As for you, Moira Kelly! You are an absolute living angel of a human being. A darling, an inspiration.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Friday, November 13, 2009
I could just leave it there and that's today done. There, easy!
But I can't, I can't just leave it there. So many things to comment on, yet brain is going Deeeeeerrrrrrr...
All I can come up with is that I am still thinking about Rebecca James and her J K Rowlingesque success. I'm also happy to add that the green eyed monster who was lurking has been chased away by all this inspiration!
I am proud to say that you alone, Rebecca, are the reason my paragraph has now turned into a whole page. My teenage protagonist has already dropped the F-Bomb, though, so not sure about that....hmmm.
Anyway, that's where I'm off to now. Just popping over to MS word to continue...
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Why do I feel like there was ONE spot in the universe for this and it's been taken?
No, I'm not going to feel like shit. I am going to be inspired.
And I wasn't being sarcastic up there. I think what has happened for Rebecca James is awesome and she actually looks like she'd be really nice.
But BY FUCK I am jealous.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Pascal was watching I Dream of Jeannie while I was in the kitchen fixing breakfast. I haven't watched it for years and as I heard that familiar Dr Bellows soundtrack music (you know! the one that comes on whenever Tony Nelson has confounded him?) the line "it's snowing in my office" jumps into my head. I remember having some kind of joke going on around this when I was growing up (or maybe I just thought the line was funny?). Anyway, no sooner as I had thought it, from the living room I heard Dr Bellows say "There is snow in my office. Major Nelson has done it again."
Friday, November 6, 2009
Ok, you've got me. I was just trying to fool you so that you wouldn't notice I forgot to blog yesterday. Bummer dude!
And yesterday something actually happened. It was Pascal's first day of school! Well, not really, that's officially next year in February sometime. It was his orientation where I actually had to drop him off for two hours and where he got to have lunch with his grade six buddy...oh how cute!
On the walk there I was falling in love with him all over again (I think it actually happens at least once a day). He was so happy and grown up with his backpack on.
When we enter the Prep room, which is abuzz with activity, Pascal goes all shy. He asks me in his funny voice* if I am going to stay but it's wavering and I can tell by the look in his eyes he doesn't want me to go. I try not to make a big deal of leaving (which is easy as I know he's going to be ok) and he finally accepts I'm not staying but looks kind of uncertain.
I come home (oh how I love that the school is a five minute walk away!) and 2 hours, well, an hour and a half is over in a blink of an eye.
I go back for the pick up and hear Pascal's excited screech and a guy's voice sounding a bit pissed off. It's the father of one of the prep boys who was actually the lead singer in a kind of famous melbourne indie pop band which was around in the mid to late nineties. Pascal and his son (so I'm not completely mortified) are hitting him. It was kind of awkward as I can't help but think he must at least know my face as I was kind of in the scene and knew the drummer of his band (Gawd, thank god I wasn't a groupie!). I'm embarrassed for some reason as he's still a bit intimidating in that cool lead singer kind of way.
His partner seems really, really nice which makes me think he must be nice too.
The school is definitely run down and crappy to look at but very impressed with the prep teacher, principle and the other families. Everyone is very cool and friendly. Lots of colour and RRR stickers so I'm happy.
*This voice is really hard to explain, hence the asterix as I feel a post within a post coming on. I'm sure most kids do it but Pascal puts on this weird American accent when he is trying to be funny or make light of something. In the case above he started off with the funny voice but as he's 'please mummy' became more insistent he started to lose it. I actually thought he was going to cry but he sucked it up at the last minute and by all accounts had a great day...awesome!
**This post was really hard as I'm operating on approximately 3 hours sleep due to crying Sweeney. He has still been crying intermittedly today so haven't had any downtime. I feel a bit cuckoo in all honesty.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Anyway, I did say I would tell you about the fight I got into on Mamamia's blog. Then I can move on.
Yes MOVE ON Mandy/Alias whoever you are. NO-ONE cares who you are. That's what someone said to me, can you believe it?
I will really try not to write a boring essay on it because my rambling seemed to prompt that very rude response in the first place. Or was it something more.
Basically I commented on a guest post (on Mamamia) about a mental breakdown which for some reason irritated me. I still don't know exactly what it was about this post in particular because I consider myself to be empathetic to a fault. I am definitely of the belief that our struggles are all relative to our experiences. I am often moved to tears by people's plights and they definitely do not have to be from a disadvantaged community to earn my compassion. So here I am explaining myself again, please stop.
Someone wrote something that didn't sit right with me and I decided to say so. (Ok I 'replied' in agreement to another comment because I am CHICKEN bukKER bukKER). Then Gina*, the original poster who had the career crisis, I mean mental breakdown, replied basically defending herself but then also showed she can get cut like any of us humans by calling me out on my use of an Alias and a contradiction I had made. Then I kind of fell all over myself trying to explain in what I thought was a non threatening, nice goofy way:
Ok. I do sound like a bit of a self obsessed TOOL. But surely you can see beneath the blathering that I am somewhat of a sensitive flower? Who else would take such pains in explaining themselves.
I have to tell you CT definitely put me back in my box. I got all flushed and hot and tears literally sprang to my eyes. It took me back to Mrs McNeill's Year 7 Drama class when some friends with an ethnic background accused me of being racist when I suggested I should be the teacher and they be the students for a school skit.
After seething for the time it took me to breastfeed I felt ok. Enough for me NOT to write a comment in the vain of 'well obviously you care enough to leave a comment like that CT, where's you interesting contribution to this topic as I notice this is the only comment you've made in this section' ...see I had it all worked out but I took the higher road!
I mean, clearly, CT has some issues and that's all there is to it. Who writes stuff like 'no one cares' unless they do. Which makes me wonder if CT is in fact Gina*?
Anyway best not go there!
CT you will be happy to know I have now moved on.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
For the last couple of years, as an observer playing a safe distance away from the main playground, this was the impression I got. There was something for everyone and everyone seemed to play nice.
Now as I find myself wanting to participate more, the blogosphere is showing me her other side which I find - dare I say - equally female in nature. That is cliquey, bitchy and in some extreme instances bitterly envious. There are sites like this one which seem, at times, positively venomous...
...and then there are the comments boards.
Left: my brain trying to sort this subject out.
So, the good ol' comments. This is where the true nature of the Blogosphere is revealed. I have to admit the comments on blogs have always annoyed me for some reason. On sites like Dooce, for instance, En masse there is something sycophantic about the hundreds, sometimes thousands of comments saying 'best. post. ever.' and the like. There is something reminiscent of the screaming women in the Oprah audience. I can't really talk as I've commented on the Dooce and I think I even said 'I LOVE YOU' (caps and all) so yeah, I'm not having a go at the individual, it's the monster we create together, chums!
So yeah, I have been commenting more regularly and I've been my most prolific on Mamamia. The thing I love about her site is that she encourages feedback and comments and there is a real community feel to it. As a person Mia seems really sweet. I like that she has guest posters which I think really shows a generous spirit. She's self effacing, articulate and is a deep thinker but, yeah, I also have to be honest and say I prefer my writing a bit edgier, a bit more irreverent, a bit grittier, a bit less earnest. Mia has yet to make me piss myself laughing* unlike Catherine Deveny (Whom I wish would start a blog but I wouldn't be surprised if she can't be bothered - and that makes me love her even more!)
Anyway, where the fuck was I (I said I liked it dirty so I better grit the fuck up myself as well!).
So I've been adding my two cents worth here and there at Mamamia. Mostly my comments go unacknowledged (which is fine, really honestly I'm just fine) but there has been the odd occasion a fellow sycophant, I mean commentor, has agreed with my POV and even given me a smiley face (aww noice). The other day, however, I found myself in a bitchfight with none other than the guest poster herself!
Stay tuned! I will give you a clue - it had something to do with my rambling which I'm doing right now.
I shall gather my thoughts and tell you the story tomorrow my invisible little friends!
*Not literally, my pelvic floor is quite strong despite having two kids and not doing my exercises. Ok, I'm doing them right now.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
I wonder how many other 'bloggers' are using that line out there in the... BLOGOSPHERE. Anyway, I am aiming to find my place in it all. Like the new kid at school, I am hesitant yet eager and highly sensitive but as I write more and read more blogs, the true nature of the... BLOGOSPHERE is revealing herself. I say 'herself' as there is something highly female about the phenomenon. Funny that, as actually, the first two blogs that introduced me to the medium (oddtodd and scott, to be certain) are (were in scott's case) written by men.
Then I found out about Dooce by way of an article in The Age and became addicted. I got the idea into my head that there must be lots of rich people out there making lots of money from telling funny stories about their life. I thought People like my stories! I can make some money! (0r mon-ay as Odd Todd would say) How easy! I found my calling! After about, oh, six months to year of preparing myself procrastination I started to write. It was fun. I think I managed about five posts. WooHoo!
Then it slowly but surely dawns on me that there aren't too many blogs out there as lucrative as Dooce. I begin to realise that no, I am not a pioneer blogger. Not the potential Dooce of Australia. So I kind of lose heart and stopped for a while.
Then a year after that I got right back on that horse, I did, and started with a different attitude, indeed I did! While I'd like to have a few people read my blog I don't for a minute think that mine is anything more than the next one. The prime objective now is to write for writing's sake and to have an account of what I'm doing with my life. I also wanted to talk about my experience with my kids as they grow up. I've always been really SHIT at keeping a diary. It's one of my regrets but I also live by mottos along the lines of tomorrow is another day and life is a series of moments. So I guess what I'm trying to say is I'll get there. Tommorrow is another day and I can start now.
Anyway, I have totally gone off on some weird tangent but I've done it! First post for NaBloPoMo!
I did really want to talk about the... BLOGOSPHERE but I'm tired so next time.
And that will be the last time I evoke a drum roll with the use of full stops and caps.